Its been about a week since my laptop hard drive crashed on me, 6 days since the Presidential elections & 3 days since the start of Eid.

As much as it feels like I'm sorta going through withrdrawal symptoms from not having the convenience of my personal laptop to websurf at home, it is somewhat refreshing at the same time.

I am on a mission to get sufficient sleep on a working night, which I am failing rather badly coz my body screaming in tired protest would only be able to fall into slumber between the wee hours of 1 - 2.30am, only to be forced awake abt 4.5hrs later by Mr Alarm Clock signaling that its time to get up & get ready for work. Very unhealthy yes? I think so too.

Despite it being almost 7 months since my spine surgery, my muscles in the surrounding area of the surgical site is still sore. I suppose it is to be expected since it was a slightly more major surgery compared to my last one & I was afterall on the operating table for about 9 hours. Painkillers these days only provide minimum temporary comfort. Despite it all, the pain, exhaustion, what have you, I try not think about it and keep moving forward. Every day is a blessing & there is no point in complaining & being upset/depressed on thing u cannot control right?

Well that's it for me for now from my trusty Blackberry! Alighting the train at the next stop! Nothing like a quick post whilst killing time on the train ride home, time simply flies by! ;P

じゃね!

A client of the firm passed away last weekend and we actually last saw him in our office only a few days before. His death came as somewhat of a shock for most of us and it really reminded me of how fragile & unpredictable life is.

Do you have those days when your mind wanders and you begin to reflect and wonder “What am I doing with my life?” I’m having one of those days, and not having a book with me on a long train ride, triggers an uncontrollable need to make my hands busy, thus the drafting of this entry on my blackberry.

My life right now kinda feels like I have a medical crisis every 2 years or so, I work long hours, get paid peanuts, never had a boyfriend AND I still live at home.

Sounds depressing already.


Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is either my family, the few close friends I have, the annual overseas trips I try to take and of course, Arashi (嵐).


How can you not love these dorks? (^_−)−☆

Have I made something of myself so far? I dare say I have not. I have friends telling me how strong I am with all the trials & tribulations I have faced and overcame, but does that really mean anything? Because at the end of the day, when my body takes its last breath and my heart stops pumping, have I done enough to leave behind any form of inspiration or legacy that will leave a fond memory even in one person?

You must think me mad for even thinking such a thing. If you're a person who knows that you will never have a child of your own or even the simplest fact of not know what it feels like to be in love or being in love (and I'm not referring to the family/friend platonic type of love) but the deepest kind of love between 2 people, that person like myself would mostly have the same train of thought. What is the “in" word the cyberworld teens call it these days? Oh yea, #foreveralone. Hahahaha!



Sure I may be “foreveralone” but let me clarify something, I am not lonely. Ok maybe on cold rainy nights or at the end of a bad day when I want to snuggle up to someone for warmth & comfort, but honestly I’m comfortable being on my own and being independent. I don’t mind sitting alone in a crowded food court for lunch neither do I mind travelling overseas on my own when none of my friends are free to do so. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have made that solo trip to Japan for my 25th birthday. Life is too short to constantly wait on people and as time goes by I’ve learnt to never have any expectations on other people but do the best you can do for yourself.

Right-o on to less serious stuff.
Arashi’s latest studio album ‘Beautiful World’ is out! Dear Mr Postman, when is my pre-ordered Album arriving in my mailbox?



Itchy me however have gotten my hands on a preview of their songs online, and I LOVE IT!
☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆



I have the album playing in loops in my iPod. Personally I think Beautiful World is a better album than their previous album, 僕の見ている風景. My favourite songs in their new album (aside from songs that they have already released as singles e.g Love Rainbow, Lotus, To be free, Dear Snow, etc) are まだ見ぬ世界へ, Joy, Nino’s solo まだ見ぬ世界へ and Sho’s solo このままもっと.  I am usually a fan of Ohno's solo but this time his solo doesn't appeal much to me.  Surprisingly I'm even enjoying Jun's solo on this album.

Now if only Johnnys International office would release tickets to International fans for Arashi’s concerts, life would be complete methinks.
(^_−)−☆

Me and the siblings are watching this in 6 days! Yes I actually pre-booked tix for this!
I am so looking forward to the final installment of this movie!
 


The Harry Potter Premier in London was held in Tralfagar Square a few days ago and it was the biggest red carpet event I've seen for a movie. I love that they actually broadcast it LIVE online for us fans who live on the other side of the world.

The speeches made by Dan, Emma, Rupert & JK Rowling actually made me tear.

In a few days it would be 5 months since my spine surgery. My apologies for the lack of updates. These days with the existence of Twitter & Tumblr, with the ability to give quick updates or share photos/media with likeminded people, blogging somewhat feels like it takes too much time & effort.

However on typing this update, I'm reminded how blogging can never be replaced, especially when you want to voice out your thoughts or share your memories with more than 140 characters.

Life for me has somewhat gone back to normal. I've been back at work for the past 3 months and it's like I never left! However I see big changes happening with the firm. I am somewhat concerned and I hate to see some of the colleagues I am close to, leave. But like I always tell myself, don't get involved with office politics, put 100% effort in everything you do, be happy that you even have a job and nothing else matters when you enjoy what you do.

With the changes happening in the office I foresee challenging months ahead. Less staff = more work for me to juggle. Hopefully I'm on point with my time management skills and I need to remind myself to take better care of my health so that I won't fall sick at crucial timings.

In other news, online chatter spread like wildfire among Arashi fans on the evening of June 28th when Yahoo Japan reported that Aiba Masaki was warded in a Tokyo hospital after filming Arashi ni Shiyagare due to spontaneous pneumothorax. The online news report was removed a few minutes after it was published. It was only confirmed by Johnny’s jimusho the next morning. I hope Aiba gets well soon! I’ve experienced Pneumothorax before and its definitely not a comfortable feeling, especially if you need a chest tube to be inserted in your thoracic cavity. Ouch.

D-day is finally here. Apologies for the lack of updates. There are simply days I have no idea where to start in expressing what I really feel and there are days I want to shut down.

I've had my last ”meal" 2 hours ago and now its just waiting. Honestly I am nervous and scared but I don't dare to show it lest I collapse into a blubbering wimp. So i'm going to stay strong and hope for the best. Heck its only major spine surgery right? Nothing to be afraid of lol :P Hopefully post surgery i'm going to come out fine and the pain meds will get me thru any major pain *fingers crossed*

Till then, wish me luck!
Xoxo

My sis and I are currently stranded in KLIA.

Our weekend KL trip had been perfect until now.  We were booked on a return flight to Singapore via Jetstar Asia, everything was going as planned, the flight status was unchanged, until we got to the boarding gate at the assigned time. Suddenly the monitor showed that our flight has been delayed. No updates from the airline whatsoever and half an hour after we were suppose to depart, my brother sms-ed me that according to the Changi International Airport website our flight has been cancelled. We were shocked!! We had no updates or information from KLIA nor from Jetstar and we had to actually learn of the status of our flight from our brother who is at home in Singapore!

By then there was a swarm of passengers at the gate's desk demanding to know what was going on. To make matters worse the KLIA staff didn't know what was happening either and was updating only those people who were standing directly at the front of the counter. They didnt bother to update all the passengers who where there! We were then told that the only thing that the airport staff was authorised to do was to take down our names & flight ID and then Jetstar would refund us our flight ticket fee. Worse still, we have to make our own arrangements if we want to go back to Singapore! wtf.

Sis and I made several call to friends, family, Jetstar customer service hotline (which was not much of a help as I was put on hold for 20 minutes & my calls were never picked up! My mobile phone bill is going to balloon this month!!!)) and  Changi Airport Customer Service (the most helpful customer service officer during this situation). We even looked into alternative flights we could take, and we finally found a silkair flight for tomorrow morning which was not overpriced and booked it immediately!

I did not expect such bad service from jetstar especially since they are a subsidiary of Quantas.

So much for my virgin trip on a budget carrier.  Never again. Lesson learned

So now me and sis are camping out at KLIA. Not the most comfortable airport to be stranded in (I rather be at CHangi Airport in this kind of situation) but we're making the best out of what we have. Thankfully we do not have any checked in luggage, that would have been another nightmare.

It has been awhile since I last blogged and a lot has happened since then.

After weeks and months of stalling, mulling over my options and at times living in a state of denial, and also with the support from the few friends who felt that surgery is the right thing to do despite the non-stop horror stories that I get from others on why it would be a bad choice, I have decided to go ahead with the surgery for my spine. 

I figured if I let every surgery horror story get to me, let fear paralyze me from making a decision, it wouldn’t be much of a life to begin with. Coupled with the fact that this would make it my 5th major surgery (3rd back surgery) and the constant back pain that shoots down my left leg almost every day, I do not think I want to live my life gritting my teeth through the pain & limping in the middle of walking mere short distances everyday.  Even the most simplest task like buying lunch at the office building across the road has been quite a challenge lately.

As such, my spine surgery has been tentatively set to after Chinese New Year next year. However before that I still need to figure out how am I going to get the $10K I need to deposit to the hospital before surgery. They make it seem like they are only asking for only $10. Le sigh.

A few weeks back I was told to make a birthday wishlist. So I made a `birthday wishful thinking list' on my tumblr knowing full well that no one will ever splurge on such things especially for me.

So true enough I got reprimanded for being unrealistic and told to do a proper one.

Truth be told however I rather wish to be able to spend time with my family and friends who I have not seen in what it seems like ages. Oh and for my back to get better of course.

For those insisting on an actual non-sentimental wishlist, the following is my 'more realistic birthday wishlist':
1. Camera Dry Box;
2. Chanel's Coco mademoiselle Eau de Parfum;
3. Long wallet (preferably red or dark brown w/ a coin compartment);
4. Josh Groban's latest CD album, Illuminations (any of his DVD won't hurt either);
5. Shopping vouchers/Gift card? Haha I have no idea what else to add here. :P

Anyhoo i'm currently at the airport with darling sis asyhhie. We're having a quick weekend trip to KL!

I have so much more to update here but i'm not quite comfortable yet blogging from my blackberry memopad. I wish LJ would release a Blackberry app already. :P

Till my next update then!
じゃね！

So after receiving news of my current 'health situation' I had decisions to mull over.  As such, I felt like I needed to get away and thus made a decision to make an impromptu trip to Adelaide to visit my darling Dee and Mel who are currently studying at Flinders Uni. The trip was kinda of a no brainer because I miss the two of them so much!  Unlike the usual trips i take with a filled itinerary, this time my trip was a more laid back, wake up late kinda trip hurhur.  I'm glad i made this trip coz I have never laughed as much as compared to when I was back in Singapore.  

Photos here!

It has been a week now since I received news about the reason for my lower back pain and the doctor’s recommendation for surgery. Frankly the first few days was quite hard as the news was slowly sinking in and it was also a tad difficult to say it out loud since the thought of another surgery was overwhelming. Thoughts that kept running through my head was the typical ‘why me?’ ‘when is this ever going to be over’, ‘I need to disappear and be alone to collect my thoughts’ blahblahblah. If I’m any less of the person I am today I could possibly go into a bout of depression. But after having time to think, receiving support from the few friends I actually have these days, sharing the news with my colleagues and telling my boss of my situation and the possibility of being away from work for surgery, saying it out loud has been a lot easier.

I believe a lot of people in my position would have a high tendency to use the current popular online abbreviation ‘FML’. But I have always hated this particular ‘fad’. I’ve always noticed that people who should be thankful for what they have in their lives and how lucky they are in certain aspects in their lives have a high tendency to use this abbreviation in abundance over the stupidest petty hiccups/situation that they encounter. Seriously if these people think that something so small/minor/petty is f-ing their life, I feel sad for them. Or maybe they are ignorant to not know what the abbreviation stands for.

Sure my life has had a lot of obstacles, but I think so far I’ve done a pretty bang up job considering my circumstances and being able to look at the bright side of things and moving forward. Furthermore I’ve always believed that when you think your life is the pits, there are at least 10 times more people who are in a worse situation than you. I do not think that God puts you in a situation that he thinks you can’t handle.

Things happen for a reason right? Somehow I do not believe that this impeding lower back surgery will be the last surgery in my life that I would have to undergo as I get older. Every experience I have had from losing dad, to living in an orphanage, to all the various surgeries I had because of MFS, I think all these experiences are the important milestones of my life that contributed to the person I am today and I’m thankful for having had these experiences. Life might not be fair in certain aspects but we make the best of what we have.

So putting everything into perspective I know I’m going to get through this, just like I have gotten through everything else previously. Big boss thinks that I should get a 2nd opinion and has recommended to me his Orthopedic specialist. I suppose its no harm getting a 2nd opinion but I’m not putting any high hopes on the possibility of not needing surgery. With the fact that:

1. L51 of my vertebrae has already slipped forward [Grade II (26-50%)]; 
2. the pars that helps support that particular part of my spine being missing;
3. my lower back having to carry more weight than it usually does since the upper part of my spine had been fused during my Scoliosis surgery in 98’; and
4. having to deal with the pain and numbness I feel down my left leg every day,

my gut tells me surgery is inevitable no matter how long I wait and bear the pain, numbness and subject myself to painkillers as part of my everyday life. As much as I try to be an optimist I rather be a realist.

( Nothing in the world is free. )

I have about 8 weeks left to give my spine doctor my answer, so I’m going to take one day at a time, get a copy of my X-ray/CT & MRI scans, get my 2nd opinion, consult my heart doctor when I see him for my appointment next month and stay positive.

がんばります!